Marriage can be difficult. The first few years are filled with romance and getting to know each other. Everything is good. Then sometimes, something happens and the marriage goes bad. There are many reasons good marriages go bad, relationships don’t work out and often many of them can be avoided.
Why do good marriages go bad?
Below are three of the most avoidable reasons a good marriage goes bad and what you can do.
- Non-acceptance of the other partner’s traits or beliefs. In every relationship, whether it’s romantic or not, there will be traits and beliefs that irritate you or that you disagree with. This doesn’t mean you can’t have a good relationship though. Having differences with your partner is bound to happen. You must learn to understand and relate to them for how and what they believe. You can’t change them, that simply leads to resentment and frustration from them.
Instead, you need to start by genuinely accepting them as they are. Understand why they believe the way they do. Then you can listen and begin to see how his belief or traits developed and have better conversations on the issues.
Lack of trust
- A lack of trust between you. When you don’t trust your partner or they don’t trust you, the relationship begins to break down. Lack of trust often stems from our own fear of being hurt, which can come from past relationships. Lack of trust causes you and your partner to have difficulty believing anything the other says or does. Instead, dig deep to identify the source of your mistrust as one of the reasons good marriages go bad.
Lack of investment
- Lack of investment in the marriage. The time investment in learning how to maintain a good marriage is often lacking. Partners forget to invest the time with each other for a few hours of undivided attention. This leads to moving in different directions or falling out of love. Instead, make it a requirement to spend at least an hour a day with undivided attention to each other. And why not have a date night once or twice a month?
Lack of forgiveness
- The inability to truly forgive. When you can’t forgive your partner the marriage becomes shaky. Truly forgiving means you treat your partner as if the wrongdoing never happened, which can be difficult for many couples. Constantly reliving past experiences keeps the wound from healing. Instead, learn how to forgive and put the past transgression in the past to fix this as one of the reasons good marriages go bad.
- Poor communication. Not communicating with your partner when you run into challenges leads to stress and frustration and eventually distrust. But if you learn to communicate your beliefs, emotions and actions calmly and honestly you can handle challenges well together. Openly discuss problems, fears, desires, and challenges.
Not accepting who your partner is, lack of trust, poor communication, being unforgiving, and not investing in your relationship are all key components that can destroy your marriage. The good news is that you can avoid these relationship killers simply by identifying them and committing to changing them.