We’ve all witnessed relationships deteriorate and love to go astray. We can easily recognize the signs in the relationships of others. Like the couple eating in a restaurant that don’t say a word to each other. Or the ones who stick together because of the kids and are just going through the motions of daily life without any affection or emotion.
But when it comes to our own marriages, we might not easily recognize when or where our love has started to go astray. You begin to drift apart. This stage of marriage is often called the “convenient” stage of marriage. It’s after the newness of being married, of having kids or you have grown in different ways.
photo by Vitolda Klein on Unsplash
Recognizing the signs
Recognizing the signs that mean your love is going astray early on helps you determine how or if you want to fix it. Acknowledging the signs is the beginning.
- Communication began to break down. Poor communication daily or no communication with your partner is a glaring sign that your relationship is on shaky ground. Silence is one of the first signs. You no longer send or receive loving text messages, phone calls, or discussions. You make big or life-changing decisions without consulting your spouse.
- Lack of intimacy is another glaring indicator of a failing relationship. Intimacy is the glue holding your relationship as a couple. When you stop caring and no longer find time for romance your relationship begins to fall apart. You don’t have fun together touching and laughing, you stop hugging and kissing, and refrain from getting intimate,
- Negativity towards each other is an everyday occurrence. All your interactions with your partner seem to be negative. You argue or quarrel over even the smallest of things. You nitpick at each other just because you can’t stand to be in the same room together.
- You’ve lost interest in the same activities. Doing things as a couple is one of the ways we strengthen our bonds and keep us connected to each other. As you drift apart you find you don’t have anything in common anymore.
- Lies come out of hiding. Maybe you or your spouse declares they are in love with someone else, they are having an affair or some other life-changing secret gets revealed. Determining whether you can forgive or need to move on will need to be looked at deeply and with your heart.
- Money problems begin to build a rift between you. You may have started your marriage by discussing and handling your financial decisions together. Then you find out your partner has changed your financial passwords, withdrawn money without telling you, or is being dishonest in how the bills are (not) getting paid, there can be a problem with trust. Check out this post to rethink your money mindset.
- Things have become one-sided. One person consistently has the single responsibility for controlling all lines of communication and making all plans and decisions. They throw tantrums or panic or might even refuse to listen to the other partner. Or it could be that one partner washes their hands of all responsibility for some reason. Either way, the one-sidedness put a burden on the other partner.
- You feel disconnected. Your partner spends all their time when you’re together on his phone instead of being with you fully. Or you feel like you are out of sync and you have to constantly verify, question, or try to understand each other.
Figuring out where your love has gone astray isn’t always as easy as saying “This is where we fell out of love.” Instead, the clues are there if you pay attention. Catching them early and addressing them is key in turning your love around.
Next: Marital Problems?