Crazy-making conduct creates a feeling of unease based on mistrust. The reason behind someone’s crazy-making conduct is often hard or impossible to pinpoint. Saying one thing, then denying what was said or acting as if the other person is mistaken is a form of deception and self-protection against the truth. The truth the person driving you crazy is trying to hide is obviously a closely guarded secret. It could be a prior bad act or just a perception of the world based on their upbringing that they do not want you to know about. They would rather make you feel insane rather than admit their perceived dark truth.
Examples of crazy-making behavior
Selective memory – “forgetting” things that the person said they would do, yet seeming to have a very clear memory when it comes to holding the partner accountable.
- Saying one thing, doing another – for example, telling your partner you’re going to plan a date night out together for Friday, then instead hosting a friends’ night poker game, and when questioned, denying that the date night plans were ever made.
- Gaslighting in conversation – mixing up the facts of what happened for the sheer sport of screwing with another person… NEVER getting to the part where you good-naturedly say, “I was only joking with you!”.
- Playing a secret “joke” on another person. Crazy makers get a weird satisfaction from getting one over on someone else and then keeping the joke to themselves. The fact that “you know and they know but no one else knows” creates a weird and malevolent power dynamic that narcissistic people seem to thrive on.
- Pretending not to understand what someone else is saying. One unique way that crazy makers have for being passive-aggressive is by purposely pretending not to understand what you’re saying or get your jokes, as a somewhat sophisticated form of social alienation.
- Using “excluding” behavior such as not talking to one person in a group setting (very crazy-making when the person is your partner), purposely not making eye contact with your husband or wife in a family setting, not inviting a husband or wife to social events then announcing the event is happening as though they already knew about it (but now they can’t go because they didn’t know).
The list of crazy-making behavior can be endless, and it points to the twisted mind of an unhappy person who feels powerful and self-affirmed when they cause others to feel pain. If you are in a relationship with a crazy-making individual, things are not likely to get better. Your best course of action is to GET OUT and seek support for your emotions.