Sometimes we’re hurt by relationships. That carelessly thrown-out remark cuts deep. People we love take us for granted. Sometimes in close relationships, we show people our less-than-perfect side and it comes back to bite us. That’s painful.
It goes both ways. People who have been together for many years may become resentful on both sides. It can be verbal or nonverbal. The same scenes play out over and over. We recognize it, But we don’t know what to do about it. It’s a bad movie that plays over and over again, becoming tiresome for all involved.
You begin to have negative feelings, even dread, when you think about being with your person. Is there hope for a burned-out relationship? Should we stay together with someone when being with them so often feels negative?
What about a relationship that’s not burned out yet but shows all the red flags? When your relationship needs healing, what do you do?
Seek first to understand
This is really an exercise in positive thinking because you’ve got to be the giver first to break through to your partner. That’s hard for people. It doesn’t always work. But it definitely won’t work if you don’t try.
Be open to new ways of thinking
People come into relationships with ideas about how things are supposed to go. Those preconceived notions come from what we saw in our family life or our early romances.
He thinks it’s okay to deliver the playful insult. But she finds it rude. The best way to see that not every relationship script goes the way you expected is to look at other people in relationships who seem happy.
Observe happy couples
They do things that you may not. Maybe watching her playfully pat him on the behind as he goes by was something that your parents never did so you don’t, either. But that other couple seems to be having fun. It’s all about having fun. Open your mind to different ways to have fun and invite your partner to join in.
Don’t try to force change
People do change in relationships. But at times it just doesn’t seem like that’s ever going to happen. Don’t expect that positive change will come at the time you need it. Your relationship may have two nails in the coffin before your ex-partner starts to wake up to his or her defeating ways.
Try to stay positive
When things seem to be over, staying positive is the hardest thing to do. You can give yourself the grieving process that you need to emotionally heal. That could involve a hearty character bashing or a big old cry fest.
But also see the good in that purge of pent-up emotion and see the good in the end. If the relationship doesn’t last, don’t cling to what’s gone. Everything is a learning experience, if your relationship was worth anything it’s that now you are evolved as a result of this coupling.