At some point, somewhere, somehow your relationship started to fall apart. This is common in marriage or any type of long-term relationship. But you can find your way back to each other.
Getting the love back in a broken marriage
When your relationship has lost its spark, you might think there is just one obvious reason why. After all, it would be easier to fix one problem than several. But it’s probably not that simple.
Relationships are complex built upon lots of intricate interacting elements. You have to look at all the different areas that might be affecting your relationship in order to make it a happier, healthier one once again.
If it’s intimacy and connection that has been lacking, you need to get physical again. That doesn’t just mean sex. It means giving hugs daily. When you give and receive hugs, you are allowing each other into your persona spaces. Hugs are calming and reassuring.
Physical means giving kisses, holding hands, offering to give neck massages, touching, playing footsies under the table. It means lying on the couch together to watch TV.
If you need to reconnect outside the bedroom, you’ll need to look at other areas affecting your relationships.
Look at the external factors that are negative influences. If you are having difficulties in other areas, it can affect your relationship. Work, raising kids, in-laws, health, and money are just a few of the things that add stress and anxiety to relationships.
We are less likely to treat our partner with the attention it needs when we are stressed. By recognizing this you can begin to make changes.
- Work on minimizing the impact negative influences have on your relationship. You can then control your emotions and choose to respond in a kinder way.
- Begin to better understand why our partner is treating us in ways we don’t like because of their stress. You’re better able to control how you respond to their mood.
- Spend time doing things together. This can be family time but what about spending time on a date? Shared experiences bring you closer. Do things that you both enjoy. It can be camping and hiking or going to a gallery or some other hobby you both want to do.
- Focus on the little joys in your relationship.
- Forget about the little annoyances. Instead of paying attention to all those little things that your partner does that get on your nerves, focus more on what about them that makes you smile. Feelings of resentment and frustration grow quickly when you focus on the negative side of your partner. When you focus on the things that bring you joy in your relationship and about your partner, you’ll see you have a lot to be thankful for. This makes you more forgiving of their flaws.
- Accept each other’s limitations even when they make mistakes or do things differently from you. Look at yourself in the mirror. Be brutally honest. What are your faults and imperfections? Now think about how you want others to treat you despite your flaws. You want acceptance, right?
This is how you should be treating your partner as well. Accepting their flaws helps you see them in a different light. You will have differences of opinions and do things in different ways. That okay. But accepting these differences and flaws lifts the burden of expecting perfection in your partner.
Talk to each other about how you would like to improve yourself. Talk to each other about what you want to work on in yourself and in the partnership. It could be becoming more patient or building your self-esteem. By focusing on yourself you’re showing them that you aren’t blaming them for the distance in your relationship.
Be vulnerable with each other. Be emotionally available and willing to talk about both the negative and positive feelings you are having. You might have over the years closed off to each other and hardened your emotions. By being vulnerable allows you to open up and respond to your partner emotionally.
Finally, put your relationship first. Don’t take for granted the way things have always been. Your partner deserves your attention as much as you deserve theirs. It’s okay to spend some time apart, in fact, it’s good for the relationship. But your partner and the relationship should be a priority. Have their favorite dinner, watch the shows they want, or get involved in their favorite hobby, sometimes.
Put in the effort to see what is causing the rocky road. Be vulnerable, accept that we all have flaws that can be annoying, and spend time with each other to begin finding your way back to each other.